Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Midnight rants and raves

My friend Jeff was particularly articulate on an important point. Anybody who can make me think that hard and that clearly deserves a cookie. Someday I think I'll be bragging that I once knew him.

Today was pretty rough around the edges and I spent a fat chunk of the day crying. We've hit a few snags in the efforts to make ends meet and I never anticipated how emotional money can be. I absolutely loathe feeling suffocatingly weighed down by lack-of-money-ness. Depression looming.

We finally had our neighbor over for dinner. (The one who I upset by making her dinner). She said she'd never been invited to dinner before except on a date. I said shame on all her other neighbors. Other than occasional outbursts from a grumpy Sir Oliver it was a decent evening. The food wasn't entirely disasterous and nothing got broken (although plenty got spilled.... I dumped an entire bottle of italian salad dressing on my plate.....sigh). She invited me to go to the park with her and some of her friends tomorrow and I figured why not? At this point anybody who invites me to do anything gets an enthusiastic response. I'm not so keen on inviting myself to join people and I'm still a bit scared of trying to find new places on my own (besides which I don't really have anywhere to go... especially considering the shortage of funds). So yeah for positive interactions with our neighbors and for soaking tablecloths in the bathtub (which now smells like Italian dressing which is not a good smell for a bathroom).

I am very slowly crossing things off of the "Things I have to do that I hate doing" list and very slowly adding things to the "Things I can do that I like doing" list. Unfortunately my lists feel very skewed in their proportions. I did complete my exit interview for my old job that I neither loved nor hated. That was one I was procrastinating. Plenty of new important un-fun tasks are looming large ahead. Being a grown up is hard as rocks.

Can't end on that note - happy thoughts: not driving in traffic, oliver's smiley face, Renn coming home from school, good-smelling rain, good parking spots, clean laundry.

2 comments:

tracy m said...

Em! Em! Em! Em! Yay, Em! You are doing a great job- thing are rocks some days, and you seem to be dealing with it pretty well.

Try and remember you are still dealing with post-partum hormones, too. It takes a pretty long time for things to return to normal. With Abby, I had an emotional meltdown when she was about 2 1/2 months, and I thought I should have been over that by then... Be gentle with yourself.

How nice to have your neighbor over for dinner- we still haven't done that, and we've lived here, well, longer than I care to admit. And italian dressing in the bathroom? Beleive it or not, that's a smell I am familiar with, and you'r right: it's just WRONG.

Money issues are so draining... I guess just keep telling yourselves the payoff will be wonderful- we have a few dentists in our ward, and they are very comfortable. AND, you'll always have beautiful, white, lovely teeth! Doesn't help much now, but it is a rainbow at the end of the tunnel...

I just washed the sling, and will put it in the mail tomorrow- sorry for the lag time. I'm chasing my tail a lot these days! You know you can always call if you need someone to listen...

chan said...

I am glad you are doing alright! I had bad days with Caden also. It is very normal, and never feel like you are a bad mom for not being happy all the time. It's the stupid hormones! I would know. I am dealing with them all over again!:) 3 1/2 more months and there will be a lot more! If you ever need anything let me know! I am pretty far away, but I do have a phone!:)

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