" A strong father-son relationship may look and sound nothing like its counterpart between a mother and a son. Specifically, there may not be the exploration of and sharing of feelings or the level of physical contact that we often associate with emotional closeness between women. Between men the talk may be centered around action instead of reflection....
Are these relationships less "emotional" because they don't include much direct discussion about love or conflict? Not necessarily. We believe that in general it is better not to leave important feelings unexpressed and that words are often the clearest and most unequivocal way to do this. But is there an absolute quality-of-relationships scale that requires you to talk about things? We do know that talk isn't the only way to express love or resolve conflict. In fact, there are times when words get in the way....
Simplistic as it may sound, we've often observed that just having a ritual activity to share can boost the odds that a father-son relationship will survive the stormy waters of adolescence.
Patterns of emotional isolation can change. Fathers can change them. A man who wants a more satisfying relationship with his son can begin to build it in simple but meaningful ways: a bedtime story, a game of catch, a compliment, a smile. The willingness to try is, itself, the start of a new pattern that can replace the disappointment of emotional distance with a legacy of love."
Dan Kindlon, PH.D. and Michael Thompson, PH.D.
Raising Cain
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