Thursday, September 06, 2007

Ever have days when you might be a danger to yourself?

I thought I finally had it down. I thought it was safe to go out in public. I thought I had finally mastered the art of being prepared, and staying one step ahead of the chaos when baby-toting.
Apparently I was only fooling myself.

I'm amazed at all the opportunities to grasp the obvious that my mind passed today.

I thought I would run over to the library, and see if perchance they had the C.S. Lewis book for the new bookclub I'm trying out. I thought to myself, "C.S. Lewis, they're bound to have it, right?" And so I left the house without first checking online to see if they even had the dang book.
And from there everything went wrong.

I pull in to the library, load myself up with my handy mom-bag and with Sir O, only to realize that Sir O has very nearly exploded all over. I choose not to spend the extra 3 minutes getting the stroller out of the trunk, and make a beeline for the ladies room.

I get Oliver changed with a moderate amount of struggle, as Sir O changing struggles go, but I find there is only one diaper left in my mighty mom-bag, so I use it - praying we can make it back home. There is a sign asking for diapers to not be left in the garbage can in the bathroom, I ignore it.
Before I can even get to the computer to look the book up, he poops again.

Come to find out, not only does my library not have the book, but neither do any of the libraries I could interlibrary loan with. So (had I checked online, like a smart person) I shouldn't be at the library in the first place.

But I don't want to waste the trip, so I take Oliver over to quickly pick out some kiddie books. He's more interested in violently pulling books from the shelf to the floor, so I quickly scoop him up in one arm (with my mom-back cocked almost 90 degrees behind me on that shoulder) and grab 4 books before he has a chance to scream too too loudly.

I jog over to wait in line to check out my books. I realize I cannot reach into my mom bag to get my library card without setting Oliver down. Before I catch up with him he has dumped at least a dozen books on the ground. The librarian jokes that he will be a track star. I weakly smile.

I make it to the car again, a little awkward with books, bag and Oliver. I set the books on the tippy top of the car so I have a free hand to fish for my keys. I unlock the door, set Oliver down for another moment to throw the mom-bag in, then chase (after) him to the middle of the street, where he is laughing hysterically. While I am carrying him back to the car he poops some more.

I frantically buckle him in, and mutter under my breath about not wanting to deal with a blow-out. I back out, and as I switch to 1st gear and begin to accelerate I hear a funny "thud".
NO I DID NOT THINK IT WAS THE BOOKS FALLING OFF THE TOP OF THE CAR, THAT WOULD BE TOO OBVIOUS. I thought "Hmm... the stroller must have shifted in the trunk, and I mosied along my way. At the first stoplight I reached, the car behind me started honking wildly. Having been honked at wildly just hours earlier (to be told that the brake-lights aren't working on Mr Renn's truck...the one he just fixed), I assume that something is wrong with the car as well. The lady driving the car jumps out and starts running up to me. I hop out, and run to meet her, and realize she has one of my libary books in her hand, then I look back and see my car rolling towards me.
Yikes.

I manage to run around, and in the car, and pull the emergency break (why didn't it occur to me that the car was in neutral and that I ought not to leave the vehicle without pulling the break?) Then I run back to see the lady with a look of horror and amazement on her face...probably that I am allowed to drive at all, or that my child has lived as long as he has. I see the rest of the books nestled in the back corner of my mini-spoiler on my trunk, grab them and thank the lady. I also mumble something about not getting enough sleep.

(I missed an entire green light while all this happened).

Then on the next green light, my car keeps dying when I try to accelerate. I forgot to take the emergency brake off.

So we miss another green light.

I can't imagine what that lady thought of me, but luckily she didn't follow me for very long, and we made it home intact.

And miraculously God spared me the blowout.

So if you'll excuse me, I've got to go re-load my mom-bag, and find the button that turns my brain back on.

9 comments:

tracy m said...

Oh Honey! I'm laughing so much David just asked me what I was reading! But, rest assured, I am laughing in comeraderie- I have so BEEN THERE!

YOU ARE NORMAL!! There is nothing wrong with your brain- it's called motherhood, and it's just the way it is now. It sounds an aweful lot like my trips to Target.

Thanks for making me laugh.

hairyshoefairy said...

Oh. My. Word. I so understand. Tears are rolling down my face because I'm laughing so hard. It's just too close to home.

Also, that last diaper thing. Somehow, no matter how many diapers I think I put in the massive mom-bag, when I actually change Peanut someplace I only ever have one. How does that happen!? Perhaps it's because Peanut finds the bag and pulls all but one out. Hmmm. I'll have to think about that.

samunwritten said...

Oh man. I feel so much better knowing I'm not the only one who has those moments.
More like those days or weeks for me.
(Granted, I'm rarely toddler-toting at those times.)

Ali said...

wow. Em, I do feel very bad for you. After reading about the car rolling towards you, I wasn't going to be surprised if you were typing your post from your hospital bed. That is one crappy day. I wish you the best in all your future endeavors.
ayayay

chan said...

I'm so sorry you had a bad day! I was laughing so hard my hubby asked what I was reading! I have had days like that too! It comes with having kids! I hope you have a better day today!:)

Jenny Dunn said...

wow! that sounds like one of those things that you think you only see in the movies when someone is having a bad day. Who knew that so much could go wrong in such a short space of time? Thanks for the laugh emily. :)

Brittany said...

By any chance, were any of the children's books you got for Oliver "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day?" You poor thing! Sending well wishes and happy thoughts your way all day today!

Melissa said...

I know it's wrong to laugh at others misfortunes...maybe I laugh because I've had days like that!! Hang tight! It can only get better, right?

Candace Salima (LDS Nora Roberts) said...

Wow - that's a rough day. I hope you find the C.S. Lewis book eventually. I'm not sure all that was worth it! But you sure made me laugh!

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