Thursday, December 11, 2008

Lest you think I look good without trying


It's almost noon, but you'd never know it if you were here with Sir O and I. Morning bouts of nausea have been pretty common at our house. At least in my body. Mornings are slow. But my late mornings are also numbered. 26 days or so and I won't be able to tell you whether it's morning or evening, or what day of the week it is.
I don't know whether to be excited about an end to the permanausea, or to be anxious about the incredible sleep deprivation that follows.
I am unapologetically excited about my first postpartum meal. Everything tastes so much better when you're not incubating.
But I have been feeling somewhat apologetic about everything else. I think I do a relatively acceptable job of maintaining perspective and gratitude for my very blessed spot in life, but during this particular pregnancy I seem to constantly be coming across people who want nothing more in the world than to be mothers, yet aren't. It makes me feel all sheepish, and definitely curbs the desire to go on and on about the unpleasantries of being pregnant. But it also sometimes makes me feel embarrassed, and I don't like that. It's terribly strange to feel embarrassed by your blessings. Can you be embarrassed by them and grateful for them at the same time? How about occasionally overwhelmed by them as well? Motherhood and marriage are hard. Am I allowed to say that when there are so many folks who have not got a hold of either?
So goes my permanauseous mind today.

10 comments:

Mr Renn said...

I am sorry you haven't felt well today, or for the last nine months. I'm sure O likes having extended jammie parties though.

hairyshoefairy said...

I'm sorry your feeling so miserable lately. That is just the pits.

I have similar questions and still don't know how to answer them. And I think since you a woman, and a pregnant one at that, you can definitely feel all those things at the same time.

Ashley said...

Em,
Sorry you aren't feeling well and it does suck you can't go to your brother's wedding. You have every right to rant a little. By the way, your prego pictures are BEAUTIFUL!

Brittany said...

I know exactly what you are saying. And I have felt the same thing at times. Blessings are wonderful, but we aren't expected to be perfect all the time. You're allowed to have a bad day once in a while. And you know how worth it all of it is in the eternal perspective.

Chell said...

As a single childless woman in my mid 30's (Who both wants to be married and have children but probably will not have either.) I give you permission to feel grateful, and embarressed and overwhelmed and however else you need to feel. You are Human I think all those feelings are only natural. Oh and YES you can say motherhood and marriage are hard!! I am sorry you are not feeling well today. (((HUGS)))

shelley said...

Yes, you are allowed to say that, because it's true. Marriage and motherhood are difficult.

--jeff * said...

there's no rule that "hard things" and "great things" have to be mutually exclusive. the best and rightest choices still have downsides and drawbacks, but that doesn't detract for that being the right choice.

i thank you for an honest blog, em.

and i really dig that picture of you. it's way cool and says a lot. nice work.

Martha said...

Dearest Emily... You are so wonderful! I just wanted you to know that. You're tender heart is so kind and thoughtful. Please don't be embarrassed about your blessings. Those who aren't married or don't have children are blessed too, but just in different ways. Besides, I know for myself, it's uplifting to read about and see good mothers in action! It's people like you that help people like me prepare to be mothers someday! :) One day my time will come. Until then, I can enjoy Sir O and this little one that will soon be in your arms! Love you, Emily...

Oh, and feel free to complain or talk about how you're feeling. It's all apart of the experience... what you're going through and what I'm going through are actually quite similar. Struggles and trials are what they are... we all have them! :) Love you!! We need to get together SOON!!

Kori said...

So well said! I had most definitely felt the same way in every aspect. You feel even more sorry when you are pregnant with your 3rd and you weren't even trying to become so! Hang in there!

Leith said...

Its hard. Really hard. I did not enjoy being pregnant either. My pregnancy was not a walk in the park like it seemed to be for other women. I was miserable. Then on top of that, I had one sister-in-law who had been trying to adopt for over 3 years when I fell pregnant and another who was told she should never have kids cause she only has 50% of one kidney working. Every month we got a text about how she wasn't pregnant. So I had that guilt hanging over my head too. I just came to the conclusion that I couldn't feel guilty or ashamed about being able to bear my own children. My trials lay in different areas. And that was okay. Hang in there Em. And don't feel bad about life. Its only our own expectations we're not living up to. Love ya!!!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...