Monday, March 08, 2010

Proclamations - Multiply

You're invited to join me in examining and deepening your convictions about the Family this month.




The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God's commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.

Here we have an idea quite profoundly rejected by modern society. But the longer I've lived (and I hope to have quite a ways to go yet) the more keenly I've come to feel, and to know, that this is a true principle.

Even within the church, living in a time of relative prosperity, families are getting smaller. Because technology and medicine have introduced options that imply choice and control, people are choosing to have fewer children. I completely understand that living with the "control" that is currently available, the number of children people choose to have is a highly sensitive and personal matter. However, I would implore (from the rooftops) that people be taking this choice to the Lord with complete faith that what He asks us to do, He will enable us to do. If the factors limiting your family size are anything other than a firm conviction that God wants it thus, then you may be denying yourself the most dazzling blessings your life could bestow. (And some of the most refining trials, to be sure).

The reason I feel I can say this is: I was on birth-control the first year and half of my marriage. I never really gave much thought or prayer to this choice. It was simply "what was done". I had my pre-marriage visit, got my prescription, done.done.done. Then we had to decide when we were ready to get off of it. And that is a hard choice to make. You find yourself forced to deal with demons and your fears of financial strain, insurance issues, and convenience. (There is never a convenient time to start having children - it does not exist).

During this time I was occasionally confronted with the reality of friends and family who married right before or shortly after us and didn't choose this course. They jumped into starting their family joyously from the beginning, with something that I came to realize was a tremendous amount of faith. It always made me feel guilty, which seemed silly and I always tried to shake it. But I realized that the only reason I was not following the same course was a lack of faith.

As I've dealt with the unavoidable struggles of raising Sir O (a lovely strong-willed child), I've frequently had the thought that he was just not designed to be an oldest child. And inevitably I've been struck with the impression, "He didn't have to be the oldest child, someone else could have come before him."
This is what I like to call getting reamed by the spirit.

While we were hemming and hawing over getting off birth-control and jumping into the wilderness of "trying", Mr Renn and I visited the Temple, where I had the distinct impression that there were children chomping at the bit to join our family. We would be good parents (relatively), we would try to teach them the gospel, and there were so many difficult families and broken homes that children had to be born to, why in the world wasn't I facilitating these children who could be mine instead?! (That is what I like to call being strongly prodded by the spirit) And so we started......

Mr Renn and I have prayed and pondered and discussed and come to the conclusion that we will welcome as many children as God sees fit to send us. Handing over all the "control" to Him has been a tremendous relief, and feels so right for us. I will always have a spot of regret for the child I unknowingly refused, but I've promised myself that I will learn when I am taught. And so we move forward with faith....

(I do not in the least mean to imply that what is right for us is right for everyone, other than the part where we consistently take this issue before the Lord - that part I universally endorse.)

6 comments:

hairyshoefairy said...

Interesting experiences, Em. We talked and prayed about it for a while and didn't feel like it was time for us until we'd been married 2 1/2 years. Then we chose to wait a few more months until after we'd moved to CA and got insurance going, etc. My dh still sometimes thinks maybe we should have just gone for it without waiting for the move. Maybe it wouldn't have made a difference and I, for one, am happy I waited for few extra months but sometimes I do wonder if some things might have been easier had we just gone ahead.

Something that surprised me was when I knew it was time I KNEW it was time. We'd occasionally discussed it but when I finally felt the push it was unmistakable for me.

I didn't think actually having the baby 3 1/2 years after getting married was that long but we frequently find people think we've only been married 4 years or so because Peanut is only 3 years old. Then when people find out we were married for 3 years before her they assume we had fertility problems. Like you said, everyone's situation is different and, with prayer, we did what we felt was best for our family.

Em said...

There are definitely times when the Lord wants us to wait. My friend Martha's experience is to me the quintessential example of this, and has proved to be a huge blessing. But while she was waiting she was definitely recognizing and developing her mother-heart. The reason for waiting for them was only because the Lord told them to wait, when they didn't really want to themselves!

aLi said...

Ooh, I loved this post. I want to leave a long comment, but Conrad is nagging me.

Tracy M said...

Pssst.. I have a missing baby too. I never talk about it, but it's true. And I believe it was a boy, and I hope someday to meet him. Once, right after Abby was born, Jeffrey drew a picture of the family, with all the requisite large-handed and ten-toed balloon-headed people all four-year olds draw.

In crayon, there was me- red, dad- green, Jeffrey- blue, Beanie- green, and Abby-pink, of course.

All the figures were drawn appropriate in scale to each other- dad was biggest, then me, then Jeffrey and so forth. But floating in the air over the line of us was another boy figure, drawn in light blue crayon, bigger than Jeffrey but smaller than me. As I complimented Jeffrey on his artistry, I asked him who this other boy was...

He said he didn't know, but he was part of our family.

I still have that picture on the wall in my sewing room. I almost brings me to tears when I look at it.

Tracy M said...

I should add that I had long known about this missing baby, and never talked about it to anyone, which is why it was so shocking to me when Jeffrey drew him.

pepper said...

Our first was a delightful surprise (sometimes God sends them even with birth control) we would have waited and waited and waited. We had him after 2 1/2 years of marriage. I'm so super happy we got such an unexpected son. With my second I had the strongest impression we needed to have her I felt it unmistakable when my first was only 2 months old. I was desperate for number 2 and surprised it took months to get pregnant with her... they are 20 months apart and I couldn't be happier. Right now I feel so complete and satisfied and I agree with you 100% prayer is essential in making such a huge decision. It's strange to kind of feel done.. but I'm not closing the door who knows what feelings or impressions will come? I am a bit sad that seeing little babies makes me feel twinges of sadness because I think that might be part of our sign we are done... I can't explain it very well so I'll just say I love babies and think your post is nice.

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