Monday, April 05, 2010

My dreams are made of cardboard

Cardboard boxes.
They're all I can think about most moments.
That and puking.
Despite Mr Renn and I packing with almost all of our spare moments, the going is slow.  My energy levels are less than 1/4 of what they'd be in a non-pregnant state, and neither situations nor small boys seem to be adjusting their expectations of me accordingly. I get sick a lot, most actual vomiting happens at night, but the malaise of nausea is with me always.  And the hormones.... they are not kind.  I cry easily, I'm easily offended, I lose my temper easily, (and Sister Beck just told me not to), and so all my physical unwellness is experienced through a difficult hormonal lens.  It's all quite unfortunate, really.  I more or less need to be very functional just now.  I need to be easing Mr Renn's burdens so he can feel fully supported and focus on finding patients for boards and completing his clinical requirements (neither of which are going very well at the moment).  I need to be securing the boys and assuring them that they are loved so that they'll feel somewhat secure through all the changes that lie just ahead.  I need to be making good use of my time, and accomplishing a lot every day, in order to keep our home in some semblance of order as it all heads into boxes.  It just is not happening, and I'm discouraged.
If anyone has a personal paradigm for infusing energy, enthusiasm, and optimism when they are most needed, I could use your help, send me a line.
In the meantime, I expect the month of April will have far more packing in it than blogging.  Not that I will disappear altogether.  You people keep me sane.

But you know what did make me feel better today? Thinking of Dieter Uchtdorf driving his future mother-in-law around on his bicycle.


Brittany said...

Em, since I haven't had internet for a while. I missed all of your exciting news!! Congratulations on baby #3. Yes, it will be a lot to handle. But so worth it. You can do it! And I empathize with the "Did you plan to have them this close together?" comments. But the Lord knows what you can handle (which I personally think is a lot) and He trusts you with all of this. He believes in you, you should too! The good news is, soon you'll be much closer to family and a plethera of friends who will be eager to help you. (Hint hint.) Oh, and happy belated birthday!

Livia said...

I feel for you. Take comfort that you are NOT ALONE!! I've got about a month before my 4th will be born. Trying to support husband in Master's school and finally starting a career type job as a first year teacher. I expected a few months of nausea at the beginning of pregnancy, but didn't expect all the ligament issues to follow. I had about 2 weeks of functioning in the middle of winter. Now I have 3 energetic kids that I feel are not getting the attention they deserve and watch too many shows. We often don't get hair combed until bed time. It's painful to walk and even just to exist. I can't lift a milk jug without pain and I have to re-arrange the whole house in preparation for our baby. I've got the overwhelmed feeling and definitely felt like conference told me not to complain. Just know you are not alone - we'll try to be positive and make it through together. Good luck with the move - are you coming back to Utah? I agree that he only gives you want you can handle, but I find myself wanting to handle the things i need to get done - like cleaning my house. You are a great mom! Hang in there! You will make it! :) I've found that if you trust in the Lord and keep doing the best you can that it all works out, somehow.. even if you can't see how it can possibly work.

Stina said...

Thank you for posting the utchdorf clips,there were some parts I missed.

Ems you are amazing, I wish I was there to help, but know once you get here I'll help you unpack it all :-) sometimes packing isn't organized, sometimes you just have to throw it all in and deal with it later :-)
I know that's against your detail-oriented natural self :-) but keep things simple for the time being :-) Love you!

Martha said...

Oh Emily! I love you!! I really wish I could help you pack boxes right now... quite inconvient to have us both down at the same time. The only thing I can think of is call your VTs! I can hear my mother now... that's why the Lord organized RS, to help sisters in need and to allow sisters to help us when we're in need. Honestly, I just called mine yesterday. I'd been putting it off thinking, "O, I'm fine. I can do this all myself." But really, if the situation were reversed, I would love to have one of my sisters say, I need help doing this... It makes VT that much easier, I think. Hugs!!

Valley Forge 1st Ward RS said...

Yup, like Martha said. Call in the troops...what we can do? We've all been there (moving, pregnant, sick, overwhelmed, you name it). You'll do the same for another someday. Ellen

The Libutti Family said...

I met someone last month who said,"When you feel chaotic or overwhelmed or down about something, thank God for the chaos and the tasks and the sadness. Coming from a perspective of gratefulness can change everything." I have used this for a few weeks and it does help to reframe your emotions. It's so easy to do... and requires little energy or time or thought. Let me know if it helps! I am praying for you and know that all of this- the move, the boards, and most of all, the BABY!- are really blessings. Lots of hard work, but blessings none the less. ~Cheryl :)

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