the heavy side

I've had an abundance of difficult things to contemplate in the miniature moments between tasks these days.



One of my little sister's friends committed suicide last week.  With my parents unreachable in Guatemala I've been left to feebly succor a steady stream of hysterical teenagers.  Not a comfortable job, that one.  I'm a little too prone to feeling other people's pain nearly as deeply as though it were my own.  I involuntarily dole out empathy in spades, and I wipe myself out emotionally and leave Mr Renn to mop the mess of me up off the floor.

I keep finding out about people I at least marginally love who quit when I'd prefer they persevered -  in their marriages, in their parenting, in their religion, and in living their lives.   And I cannot help getting overwhelmingly sad over it sometimes.  Perhaps these are the last days when men's hearts shall fail them.  (Mr Renn's Grandma, after her recent heart-attack, decided to change that scripture to "men's hearts shall have stents".... I smile.)


There is so little of life we can truly wrap our brains around.  And persevering in anything that makes live mean something requires an element of faith.  There's such a lot of lovely things to have faith in.  Faith in ourselves, in the future, in others, in love.......  But my favorite is always faith in God.  It tends to make everything okay even when it's not okay in the least.  Miraculous stuff; faith.  Perhaps I ought to peddle it more often.

I don't presume that anyone's problems could be fixed with "more faith".  But I'm able to not be consumed by my problems or the reality of others' problems and choices only because of my faith.  I think, so long as I don't neglect it, I have a gift of faith in a God who loves perfectly and who plans perfectly, and who knows better than me what really ought to be endured.  I trust Him.  Even when it hurts.  Even when it means a few loose ends where I can't get a perfectly satisfactory answer to my quandaries.  It has to be difficult to have faith.  Otherwise it wouldn't be faith at all.



Are you in the thick of some sad spots too?  I find that most people are.  How do you keep on with them tugging at your heart?