Remember that time I wrote a post on Dec 5th? And accidentally hit save instead of publish? Well almost 3 weeks later I found it again.
There's a great deal of my children's lives going by undocumented.
I'm not sure exactly how tragic that actually is, but it's true nonetheless.
Little things that I would have surely shared if they had happened while we lived in PA, disappear into the ether now. I think I feel more scrutinized now than I did then. I'm more hesitant about what will be valued or well-received by those who read this now. And I'm less prone to think about my kids maybe reading this someday in the future than I used to be. All of which is melancholy to me.
Sir O has always and forever been my most documented child. He's a squeaky wheel on top of being the oldest. He uses far more of my energy than the rest of my kids put together. He's the biggest mystery to his mother.
BUT, friends, there are other people here too.
Our Captain needs to be recorded with his current speech pattern, which is simultaneously adorable and maddening. He seems to be going through an exceptionally clumsy phase with his apraxia, and the predictability with which he falls, trips, and stumbles is really hard to remain patient with. He is the most unabashedly authentic little soul and his heart is always on his sleeve. He gets excited about what we adults might call "silly little things." He's just beginning to test the water and try to get away with being an antagonist to his little brother. He fails miserably at being sneaky several times every day. He's just beginning to register that confounded gender shame that I can't seem to insulate against. So "I like piggies but not their color" is a regular conversation starter from him.
Our gentleman, as he adjusts to his baby sister, is a bit of a turkey. Luckily he loves the baby. He likes to pet her head mostly, and blow her kisses. But in adjusting to being booted from the "baby" spot, he's trying to get away with all sorts of benign naughtiness. The kid has the silliest facial expressions I have ever seen. And he loves to sing and dance. I still cannot get a comprehensibly pronounced word out of him, but he sure knows what he's saying.
All the boys are physically busy. They never stop moving and their moving usually creates chaos. I really cannot find words for how overwhelming that can be. Especially when my arms are full of needy baby and all I can do is watch the entropy unfold while I'm verbally either begging for or demanding a cessation - always in vain.
Baby Bunny has been cursed with an early first head cold. I've had my hands full trying to nurse her to health and pacify the miserable version of herself. Not a lot of sleep, in case that's not obvious. But still, for a baby, I have to say she's very "do-able". She certainly has a consistent window of fussiness late at night, but the majority of her behavior and habits are pretty mild. Her cry is not very aggressive, she tends to be quite consolable and seems predisposed to self-soothing. People keep asking me if it's fun having a girl, and I think it will be. But at this point the only real difference is seeing pink in the laundry and having the option of gluing bows to her head.
I'm trying to be patient with myself and remember that we're still well within an "adjustment" period. We're still figuring out a daily schedule and I'm still grasping for periods during the day when I can take some ownership for the state of our home. (Who's in charge here, anyway?) It's okay that I don't have it figured out with systems in place yet. And I have to remember that it's pretty awesome to feel well enough physically to have any desire for productivity anyway.
So there's those musings of mine - mostly for the benefit of our familiy's collective remembering someday.
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