Friday, June 27, 2014

Using my brain

IMG_6060June 2014demilleparade of homes swimming lessons

Oh, if only I could come up with a way to document the crazy circles I run in that I thought anyone would care to read.  I find that in the circles of adult conversation that I crave, if I mention anything domestic or involving my children most people glaze over with a look that screams "I can't believe she's talking about her homemaker-ness again.  Most boring talk ever. When will she stop? Yawn, glance at watch." But I stay so phenomenally busy doing it and living it, the idea that it is, or should be boring is a paradox I just can't get over.  Staying on top of 6 people's laundry and messes is perhaps boring to talk about, but it is never boring to live.  I am on my toes, and every day I get a little bit better at being "on" all the time.  I have to be "on," or crap piles up and before we know it we'd be living an episode of hoarders.

I'm really, genuinely at a place of remarkable peace about my identity and roles, for now.  It's a massive juggling job, and I fail in all sorts of corners, but I am getting enough of the most important things done, that I am able to feel more successful and be kinder to myself than I've managed in maybe all of my motherhood.  What becomes frustrating then, is that my version of success right now is to painfully boring to nearly everyone but me. In my head I'm screaming - hey world, women especially, here's one way success can look for a minute!  It's attainable and it's crazy, and it's kind of barely-attainable, and it's messy, and I wish somebody would look before it's over and I'm back in the cycle of uncomfortably trying to find my groove and my peace and my identity.

Success is boring to look at, I take it, but its exhilarating to live.

It's also not something you arrive at, it's a very fluid, moment to moment state-of-being, like keeping your balance on top of a ball.

Improve the shining moments, don't let them pass you by.  Even if they look boring.

Bunny's second round of first words (besides Mommy and Daddy, shoes, bye bye, etc. ) "Outside, Awesome (for "Everything is.."), night night, drink," a litany of body parts and each of her brothers's names.  One the one hand, boring.  On the other, the cutest thing going on in our universe right now.

Our Gentleman's potty training progress and regression.  On the one hand nothing makes eyes roll to backs of heads like the mention of little boy poop.  On the other hand, if he and I can master this thing it'll be my proudest accomplishment of the summer.

Sir O choosing to read all by himself, to himself, from a book with more words than pictures: Boring, unless you are me then it's the BEST THING EVER.

Everything that comes out of the Captain's mouth: Pretty much hilarious.  Me recounting hilarious things the Captain said: boring.

So, the moral of the story?  I need to work on my storytelling and pacing, and also, the world at large might consider re-calibrating it's boring-radar.

1 comment:

Carolanne said...

I never find what you have to say is boring.I'm right in the thick of it too, and it's usually inspiring and/or helpful. What's your laundry secret? I've never been able to figure that one completely out.

And Everything is Awesome is on a constant replay reel in my head right before I go to bed every night. Not surprising that she would pick up that word. It's viral.

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