Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Me vs. Me

Oh the insanity! Whose idea was it to include raging hormones in this pregnancy bundle?

I had a horrific commute this morning. Really truly terribly bad. Snow and accidents and stupid drivers and I'd better stop thinking about it.... I've had lots (and lots and lots) of bad commutes before but today I just couldn't handle it. Physically I couldn't handle it... at least not well. Unfortunately Mr. Renn had called me and was trying to read scriptures to me while I drove (hands-free was in full use... and always is when I talk to Mr. Renn while driving). I was so irritated by every little impediment that I interrupted him every 10 words to complain. Okay, occasionally it was worse than complaining. I was full-out ranting. I could hear myself being unreasonable and unpleasant, but I found myself entirely helpless to do anything about it. Then Mr. Renn made the mistake of being honest and telling me that listening to me complain was putting him in a bad mood. Then I really lost it... I got angry in corners of my mind that I didn't even know existed. Luckily we love each other very much and are okay now. Also luckily I checked Jeff's blog this morning and the video clip cheered me right up.

It is so irritating to not be able, physically able, to control one's temper. Or is it one's judgement? Whatever it is, I seem to have way too many moments where I find myself doing and saying things that I would normally never say or do. So not only is there a stranger sharing my body with me, but I feel like a stranger is sharing my mind with me as well... a very strange stranger.

Oh how I hope people will be understanding.... and I'm terribly grateful for Mr. Renn. He always seems to forgive me before I even get around to apologizing.


hairyshoefairy said...

"So not only is there a stranger sharing my body with me, but I feel like a stranger is sharing my mind with me as well... a very strange stranger"

So understand! I hear myself saying things to my DH and thinking who is this person with this cranky attitude? Oh. . . it's me. . . what's wrong with me! I would only occassionally have PMS before pregnancy, but now the hormones are outta hand. I cried to my husband about it just the other night. "I just don't feel like myself anymore!" Thankfully my husband is like yours and forgives me quickly; I think mostly because he knows it isn't really me. Think we'll ever be oursleves again? Sometimes I worry.

Shelley said...

I think traffic does it too. Trevor calls me every morning on his drive to school, which is a very similar route as you take, and he was SO angry and frustrated at the stupid drivers and state of the freeway. He never gets angry at things like that. I couldn't even get him to talk about anything else, which made me a little angry and frustrated too. Stupid snow. I hate it I hate it I hate it. Traffic jams are never caused by sun and warm weather. Moving from Hawaii to Colorado was an adjustment I never made completely or gracefully.

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