Monday, May 22, 2006

Breathe Deeply

Well, my brother's girlfriend had her baby. (I'm not allowed to call him my brother The Disaster anymore, sans my mother who doesn't read my blog but talks to people who do.)
He was born Saturday afternoon.
The girlfriend decided not to name him any of the names she and my brother had discussed. That is not exactly a tragedy, but perhaps it foreshadows a few that may be coming.
So I have a maybe-nephew named Kayson, or Caeson, or Kason, or however they're spelling it.
My brother has been at the hospital since Saturday morning at 4am. I don't think he has slept - That cannot be good. But it is a good thing that he is there, he's being uncharacteristically responsible and supportive. Here's hoping it's the beginning of a trend.

I went to the hospital with my parents and little sister late Saturday night. My dad was about to leave on a business trip and my brother asked him to come out to see the baby before he left. It was a really calm visit, and positive, for which everyone was grateful and lots of sighs of relief were subsequently breathed. I guess the girlfriend's mother has been a persistent, rather gloomy presence at the hospital, and she was absent during our visit. I'm not especially anxious to meet that lady. My dad taught my brother how to change a diaper without getting a little-boy shower (after the little-boy shower had already happened.... pretty entertaining) and my mom snapped pictures all over the place. My mom also gently lectured the girlfriend on the importance of making sure the baby actually gets fed when he wakes up and acts hungry (whether or not she feels like feeding him). And the advice appeared to be received well.... so here's hoping.

My brother insisted I take a turn holding the baby. I wasn't against the idea, but he was rooting all over the place and needed to eat. So I held him for a short minute and thought to myself, "I've been all sorts of angry and confused and worried, and it's been on your behalf. I hope you are the resilient type, little guy. We will all do our best for you from where we are allowed." Kind of melancholy, but still a reverent and overall a positive first interaction. Then we left them with instructions to feed the kid, and we went home.

Oh, what is going to happen next? Nobody knows and it's the biggest, blackest void of an unknown. I will hope for the best and brace myself for the worst and reality will fall somewhere between the two.


--jeff * said...

i always wondered if 'the disaster' was a commonly-known name and, if so, how you got away using it. that would mean a certain amount of unpleasantry if such were used in my family. [i really only had time to read the first few lines of the post--it's 2 a.m. friday morning here]

Cam said...

So, is anyone referring to your parents as "Grandpa" and "Grandma" now, and how are they dealing with their new titles?

Em said...

Interestingly enough, no grandparent comments are being batted around. They are still trying to figure out (without court-ordering a paternity test) whether the baby is, in fact, my brother's. Such a mess.

Plus our family isn't exactly welcome at the girlfriend's parent's house, where she is staying. (Neither is my brother for that matter) So we haven't seen much of her or the baby since then.

All very strange and heavy, isn't it?

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