Lingering

Sigh

I still miss my puppy. But I'm reaching that kind of numb sad state I've been dreading. I can still remember what she looked like and how she sounded and behaved... that is good. But I've stopped having that cold shock every morning when I realize why I don't hear her puttering around in the kitchen above me. My life is moving on without her.... which has to happen. I don't much like it though. I feel insanely disrespectful moving on without her. I water the flowers on her grave and start to talk to her despite myself, then I realize in a frantic way that her body is really under the ground.... and all the grossish things that implies.... and I feel robbed. The thing is that it's her spirit that I miss.... at least more than her body. But I know precisely where her body is and her spirit.... I'm just not with it enough to pinpoint that. For some reason a concept that is very easy to understand and accept in theory is proving really hard to cope with in practice. So there's still lots of crying... but I'm better at keeping it to myself now.

I guess that's all you can hope for when you die. That someone will miss you, and remember you, and be stubborn about both.