Monday, June 26, 2006

Time flies when your brain is numb

Well, so much for the longest however many days of my life. The days are positively zipping by (so far..... knock on wood.)

I've gotten most of the things I have to get done out of the way. The bassinet is set up in our room, most of the newborn and 0-3 mo. clothes are washed and put away, we have 1 pack of newborn diapers and 2 packs of size 1 diapers, moses basket cover is finished (I just need to add the trim), I've started packing my bag for the hospital, we're pretty much set. Well, not that anybody is ever "set" - that's obviously not possible. But I've done about every preparatory thing that I can think of to do. Now I just need to get excited, or anxious, or terrified, or something.

But no, my brain is numb. Numb and dumb. I guess I'm just so into my routine with trying to sleep and work and drive that my brain just cannot comprehend change. I have thoughts like "I have 34 days at most until I give birth through one of two terrifying orifices" - and I know I ought to be scared to death. But I'm not. I'm not especially brave, I'm just numb so it doesn't seem real. No, I'm not going to give birth, I'm going to be big and round with a dancing belly forever. I'm going to keep driving an hour each way to work forever. That's how my numb brain is working. Is this a coping mechanism?

On the bright side, because my numb brain doesn't think any of this is real, I'm not anxiously waiting for each day to pass (making it seem to drag on forever). The days are passing at the same pace as always... just because my brain isn't working quite right.

But really brain, I'm going to eventually go into labor. You can't keep it from happening by going into denial. Still, if your denial keeps my days from being intolerably long slogs, I'll take what I can get.

1 comment:

hairyshoefairy said...

I'm still floating between realization and disbelief. Isn't it such a strange thing? You sound more ready than me, though. Look at you go! How is Mr. Renn handling it? NYDD is nowhere near acceptance. It's still pretend to him most of the time.

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