Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy to be a Mother Day

I am every day discovering the intricacies of a mother heart. There are so many ways that God has prepared me for this job and continually enhances my ability to do this job. Best of all he continually finds ways to remind me I love this job.

And really, it makes no sense.

I could never pay or bribe someone else to do what I do. There is no appeal for anyone but me in all the sleeplessness and the sighs and selflessness involved in mothering my children. But somehow, for me, the thought of being the trusted constant that my boys take for granted makes me all tingly to my toes. The thought of being the one they run to when they are hurt or scared makes me feel like a warm puddle of mom. And hearing Sir O try to comfort and take care of the Captain (even though most of his efforts are counterproductive) makes my heart swell and sing.

It also makes me think of my own mother.
How all the while I thought she had everything under control, and knew exactly what she was doing she was probably fretting and praying and wondering how she was supposed to know what to do. I hope I can make my kids feel as secure in their childhood as she made me feel. I was not a child who had to grow up too fast. I always knew I was loved, and I always trusted that everything I needed (and much of what I wanted) would be taken care of (usually by mom.)

How is it that the children don't smell our fear?

There are so many reasons to be afraid as a mother, and the protective instincts of motherhood tend to turn those reasons into molehill-mountains. Guilt abounds behind every choice, because no matter how good a choice it is, it involves giving up what you didn't choose. (And what if it's the one thing that inadvertently screws up your children forever?! AAAAH)

I never knew I could feel so much pressure to do something right, without the slightest idea of what "right" specifically entails. (That would be where faith comes in, and hopefully comes in bountifully)

Luckily there are also many, many reasons to be joyful as a mother. And as we've been counseled, those reasons come in moments. Brief and sweet.

After church today I got to cuddle with Sir O as he fell asleep (is there anything sweeter than a sleepy boy?...who's not fighting his sleepiness) And I got to watch the Captain sigh and smile in his sleep. Not all my sweet mothering moments involve my children being asleep, but today a lot of them did. Sometimes they are even sweet when they are awake.

When we were regrouping to come home after church, Sir O was excited to see me (after a whopping 90 minute separation) and called out "Mommy!" across the parking lot. See, I wouldn't trade that for all the world.


Steve said...

Beautifully written, again! I can see what you said in Crystal. I know she is always worrying about making mistakes with how the day went, but I know the kids love her and trust her with their life. That tells me everything I need to know. I like how you said that they can't smell your fear. They are just blinded by love and adoration. Happy Mother's Day.

Ginnie said...

I love that top picture!
Happy mothers day!!

hairyshoefairy said...

Such a nice post. Thanks for sharing.

Krystal said...

Happy Mothers Day! I love that picture of you three. What beautiful blue eyes Captain has. As for being a mom, it's the best! IN all the hard, is the beautiful love that only they can give. As for hearing them yell out "mommy", well your right thats the little stuff that makes us know we are doing a good job, and we are so blessed to have these angel. No one can love you like a child can!

--jeff * said...

this is, quite possibly, my favorite post you've ever written (and i've just about read them all).

thank you for so wonderfully capturing mother's day!

you deserve everything you wrote. : D
happy day to you.

Katie May said...

Happy Mother's Day!

And I can't tell you how many times I've sat through tears and hormones saying, "But how am I not going to ruin their lives?? I have no idea what I'm doing!"

Thanks for your insights.

The Hodges Family said...

Happy Mothers Day...thanks for your post. Love you

Martha said...

Thank-you for your sweet post! I love it... I truly look forward to being a mother and it's nice to read about others who find joy in their motherhood life! Thanks for sharing

The Skinners said...

Well said! I love the picture of your boys.... They are growing up fast.

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