sneak a peek

I'm trying to sneak in a substantial little post to say "Hey, I'm still alive and kickin', and my brain works sometimes too!"
Mr Renn has fallen asleep reading bedtime stories to Sir O. He's sure to be unhappy when I go wake him, but I'll steal this moment to say some somethings.

Ever since a comment from my Aunt during our Utah trip, I've been seriously researching homeschooling. A bit premature, maybe, but then maybe not. I'm having a hard time finding a downside to it. You know, besides the part where it means that I would never get another moment to myself until I'm at least 45. But I don't get a moment to myself now, so if I don't build up the hope and expectation for moments to myself "once the kids are in school" then maybe I could do it. But would it be the best thing for my super-social, can't sit still, incredibly curious toddler? I'm trying to figure that out folks. Sometimes I'm amazed that I'm supposed to be the expert on my kids. They baffle me continually. Heck, I baffle me continually.

I'm still on for my floral design courses. The designs at that lecture are in no way representative of the curriculum I'll be taught. The florist who did them was a guest speaker. The designs they teach in the classes I'll be taking are basically these, give or take a few plus the part where no two interpretations of the assignment will be the same. I'm still very excited, and nobody needs to be worried that I'm going to make angry-looking arrangements.

We're losing another group of graduating Seniors in a matter of, well, days really. Sir O is going to be almost entirely friendless. My poor child who thrives on sociality, craves it even, is probably headed into a very lonely stretch. And a very bored stretch. I'm in so.much.trouble.
Not to mention the part where I will be more lonely myself. My pathetically small circle of real-life-everyday friends is almost too thinned out to constitute a circle. I suppose this is by nature a lonely phase of life, but I could really use a larger in-person support system. You're all invited to show up on my doorstep, give me a hug, {and clean my bathroom.} Any takers? Didn't think so.

I'm forever trying to come up with things for Sir O to do (He's so unintentionally destructive when he gets bored), and I can't seem to stay ahead of him. Every activity takes longer to prepare than it takes him to complete. Plus we are at the point where if it was Mom's idea, then it's not cool. Definitely a setback.

I'm worried that my milk supply may be low. Nothing in the world can stress you out or make you feel like a failure the way breastfeeding troubles can.

I've been having vivid dreams about going back to college, especially study-abroad programs, so Jeff's fun announcement is particularly bittersweet for me.

I'm getting anxious about the Captain's upcoming surgery to remove his brachial cleft remnant. I'm getting to the point where I don't even see it anymore, but I know it's the first thing most people notice when they see him. It's just that the surgery involves general anesthesia (which is why they are having us wait until he's 6 months old), and the whole thing makes me a nervous wreck. This being a mom gig is HARD.

Mr Renn is beginning (in earnest) the process of figuring out what residencies he wants to apply to. The fact that we will be moving in a year is kind of scary. I feel like I need to establish a packing schedule that spans from here to there so that it can be a lot of small, manageable tasks instead of one massive overwhelming undertaking (on top of graduation). But am I likely to actually be that organized? Well, not a chance.

This last month's Visiting Teaching message was like a punch in the gut for me. My personal scripture study has floundered since the Captain was born. I just can't seem to get into a groove. If it's going to happen, it has to be one of my top priorities every day, and so far I am failing miserably. MISERABLY, I tell you.

And now I feel like I have semi-adequately shared the soup inside my brain. Aren't I a mess?