Friday, February 04, 2011

remind me of you

I've been allowing my brain, of late, to think more than a week ahead.
Because I won't be living in borrowed space forever, it just feels that way.
Mr Renn has his first job interview in 2 weeks, and so far he seems to feel optimistic about the opportunity.
I don't want to rush into any commitments, but a big part of me is very ready to start looking for housing and a school for Sir O;
and for museums and garden clubs and music teachers.
You know - normal mom stuff.
But once I start letting my brain think such thoughts I inevitably get carried away, and start shopping real estate.  What can I say, I'm almost 30 and I want a home.  A lot of 30 year-old moms get by just fine without a home of their own, but most 30 year-old moms will confess to wanting one if they don't have one.
I found a lovely Arts and Crafts home with just the sort of details that make my heart happy.  I kept coming back to the listing every day to try to imagine what life would be like in that house.
Then it sold.  I feel disturbingly sad about that.

Because you know, our taxes claimed I am a "homemaker".  But right now I feel like I only daydream about being a real homemaker.  I have no home to make.  My stuff is in storage, and the temporariness of our living situation makes it impossible for me to develop any roots or wings.

Our next living situation may be even more temporary, but we will get all of our stuff back.  I expect it to be like Christmas - for me and for the boys.  There are so many toys I think they've forgotten they had!  And what I wouldn't give for access to one of my corner-rounders today!

Oh my boys and me.... we are such a crazy bunch.  What are we going to do with each other?


hairyshoefairy said...

I feel similarly about the temporariness of everything. I am, however, grateful I have all my belongings at my disposal. I've done the storage thing and I really feel for you. It sucks. I find myself perusing the real estate ads, too, longing for the day I own a little space of my own., the way of the hummingbird said...

oh emily - i love that little clip of graham ... especially your 'work with me here - exasperation at the end' ... how many times have i felt that way already! oh - and the 'what in the world makes you want to do that'- "you're weird" comment ... sometimes one does not feel related at all.

shelley said...

With you all the way here! That desire for a home of one's own is so primal. Can't wait for the day myself!

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