Thursday, October 13, 2011

recovering the satellites


(photo by Sir O)

I've spent an unfortunate bulk of my week fighting a sinus and ear infection.  By fighting I guess I mean "being slowed down by" because there weren't many moments when I managed to do anything proactive to fight it.  No resting, no consistent remembering to drink more fluids, just pushing through trying to take care of people who need me even though I feel like I'm 6 feet underwater.
It's an odd part of this young mothering phase of life.  It can get so intense and tunnel-visioned in these deep, deep trenches.  Many small children (a blessing) with the energy (a blessing) to take on the world, but no clue how to harness their power into anything constructive.  So I teach, I discipline, I suggest, I direct.  I clean up and clean up and clean up.  I feed and clothe and change and dress.  I put the same object back where it goes a hundred thousand times.  I fight entropy in a massive hopeless fight every minute of every day, because I know that there are 3(4) little boys who desperately need all the calm and order and routine and safety and home-ness that I can muster for them.  It is an act of love, any way you look at it.  Even if I don't always feel as charitable as I ought as I do it.  But such an act of love is bound to be consecrated somehow, even if in spurts.  And so at least some of my daily fight is made holy, and I find every morning that I can do it for at least one more day.  Even if I am doing it underwater.
I guess the good news is that antibiotics are on board and doing their job.
And project "taking better care of myself" shall commence in 3....2.....1.....

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