Wednesday, May 16, 2012

AWOL

If you've missed me then I'd like to hug you.

IMG_1123May2012demillewhileyouvebeenpuking

Life - pregnant life - has swallowed me whole lately.

The nausea and vomiting have been as unforgiving and unrelenting as ever, but the fatigue and malaise have been twice what I ever remember from previous trips down this unpleasant path.  We can attribute that to whatever we'd like, but my money is on the fact that I'm just plain older than I've ever been before.

I am just not functioning, folks.  And if history is anything to go by, I've survived about 9 weeks of it and have as many as 10 weeks to go.  At least it's not another 25, I know there are those of you who live through that.  God bless the women who puke from stem to stern of the pregnant ship.

I could pop in and complain to the interwebs.  If I wanted to whine then I could, and you'd probably all be  perfectly willing to commiserate.  But somehow I've learned that whining doesn't make one feel any better.  And looking back upon a record of one's whining always makes a lady cringe.  (See the record of my first pregnancy.)   There's a difference between feeling validated and feeling better.   I just don't see the value in being told to go ahead and muck about in my own self-pity.  So, for lack of anything else to talk about,  I have been deafeningly quiet.

I have horrid days, and quasi-functional days.  My house falls to bits, and on days when I can peel myself out of a horizontal position I do some damage control.  The only thing that helps is sleep, and I can't often seem to sleep well.  With so little physical energy, my emotional energy is drained too, and alarming amounts of apathy set in.  I really don't care for the apathetic version of myself, and so my self-image suffers too (not to mention my marriage).  And I remind myself every hour that this will all pass, and someday I will like myself again and see the world in brilliant color.

But in the meantime, if I am very quiet, it is just that gestating is taking every bit of me, and there's none to spare.

Or my kids have eaten me alive.  Very possible.  They've been living on a steady diet of streaming netflix, and that has a rather Lord of the Flies effect.

11 comments:

aLi said...

Hang in there!!!!!! I'm all ears! Figuratively and literally :)

aLi said...
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the Allers said...

I'm right there with you. For some reason this time around has been so much harder than my previous 2. So ridiculous. Hang in there!

Kermit~the~Frog said...

I've missed you! You can do this.

Ashley said...

Em, your pictures are stunning. I love that one of your cute boy.

I have typed and erased, typed and erased, typed and erased 10 times now... hang in there, I hope things turn better soon, I hope those boys goes easy on you, blah, blah, blah.

I guess I just hope you know you ARE missed and thought of and all that good stuff. :)

aLi said...

um. whoa. Sorry about my comments!!!!!! I commented from my cellular device... I don't think I'll be doing that again!!! I promise I only pushed "publish" once!!!!

The Libutti Family said...

I have missed you and am happy to see that you are, in fact, still there. So sorry that you are feeling so wiped out. But every moment/ hour/ day/ week you get through, you are that much closer to feeling better- and meeting your precious new baby. Thinking happy thoughts of you. :)

The Libutti Family said...

I have missed you and am happy to see that you are, in fact, still there. So sorry that you are feeling so wiped out. But every moment/ hour/ day/ week you get through, you are that much closer to feeling better- and meeting your precious new baby. Thinking happy thoughts of you. :)

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