Friday, September 28, 2012

the Sir and my whine

I have had a hard time finding my voice lately.  It doesn't help that I can rarely find the surface of the kitchen counter.  Since early summer, life has been one continual game of trying to catch up  - and I cannot do it and I'm getting tired of trying.  I have a child whose most natural and comfortable state of being is to be in the middle of creating utter chaos.

IMG_2079Sept2012demillecrew and alpine loop

He does me in 5 or 6 times daily.  I never, NEVER, seem to be able to anticipate his next move.  Especially when they involve things like making a mud pit in the garden (which is full of grass clippings, imagine the fun), dumping entire containers of pasta on the floor, hiding highly perishable food in random places around the house, and squeezing copious amounts of toothpaste all over the entire bathroom counter.  Pile that on top of the regular messes of little boy pee that really ought to be cleaned up after about every hour (because I have not found an effective motivation for aiming, or even turning on the bathroom light so they can SEE what they're doing)  messy eaters and a hopeless kitchen floor, and oh yeah, tired pregnant lady who can't really bend over any more.  (Every time I bend over I get to endure a gut-chomping 5-minute-long braxton hicks contraction.) It's awesome, folks.

Sadly, I am one of those moms who thinks that 2 1/2 hour kindergarten is perhaps too short.  Plus throw in kindergarten homework (45 minutes worth every day, and a less than cooperative pupil), music classes and their accompanying daily practice that ought to only take 5-10 minutes but usually takes at least 20 because somebody can't stay on task. (Squirrel!) And two other kids who each have speech therapy to accomodate and practice. Oh yes, and laundry and dishes and food to prepare and phone calls to make.

All that mom stuff;

...that so many moms before me have had to deal with before.

But I'm dealing with it now.  And not always very well.

My goal of late is simply to lose my temper less.  And generally I'm making progress.

But it's kind of lousy to be in a place where that's your goal.

With really very little hope for a happier goal on the horizon. (Because no matter how we adore this new baby, her presence is not likely to make anything that is difficult now any easier.)

Am I a terrible mother if I take to praying that this whirlwind child of mine will develop some unexpected maturity?  Or take interest in a less messy activity?

Like, oh, maybe READING?  He's smart enough to read well above the level he's being taught right now (not genius level, but I've seen him read things well beyond what he's supposed to be doing for his time-suck homework).  But the kid very rarely takes interest in reading.  And we're going through an "anything mom suggests is automatically dumb" phase.  (Also a "that's boring" phase.  How do I teach this child some inner resources and imagination?  He fights everything I've tried.)  Heaven help me.

This child can be bright and extraordinarily kind and empathetic.  He can be an effective leader.  He can work hard, work fast, organize, create, and comply.  But only if he wants to.  And this child has an obstinate will that is bigger than me.  It could swallow me whole.  I'm smart enough to avoid outright power struggles with him, but am still puzzling over how to get him to do things that simply have to be done.  My old tricks for getting him to think things were his idea in the first place are wearing pretty thin.

This parent gig is tricky.

On top of which this gestating thing is rather incapacitating.

And there's my rant.  Or more accurately, my whine.  I am a tired lady matched with a naturally busy child.  It overwhelms.  Shocking, I know.

No comments:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...