Wednesday, February 11, 2015


How do you do #legsfordays on a roly-poly 2-year-old? For #stylemefeb, well her legs may be short but they "go" on forever. Bunny in perpetual, joyful motion.    Sweater by #rockefella  leggings from #target @targetstyle Shoes by #livieandluca @livieandlu

I keep hoping that I will find an awesome groove that allows me to roll out this thesis without being in a constant state of paralyzing panic, but it hasn't happened yet.  I'm still dealing with the most distracting and counterproductive types of stress.  Ive been clinging like crazy to the promise of scheduling - clearing my mind by knowing that all the "things" have a time allotted to them.  But in my life trying to stay on schedule is like clinging to a rubber raft in a hurricane. The short people aren't very sympathetic to my cause.

I am still trying really hard to make up for damages done in December to my kids and my husband.  The timing of my comprehensive exams was just brutal all around, so I've been doing more reading and playing and making with my kids in an attempt to build up some affirming memories.  I managed to get the boys all re-invested in The Marvelous Land of Oz, and now we are speeding along in Ozma of Oz, having just restored Tick Tock to working order. (Hopefully we escape the Wheelies tonight).

But so far, all of my designated thesising time is at the end of the day, so it gets what's left of me at the end of that day. They call the ends of a loaf of sandwich bread the suegra, or mother-in-law, in Mexico, and that's about the concept of what my thesis is getting from me.  It is, frankly, not enough. Especially on days when I haven't managed to take great care of myself.  When I start my thesis work hungry, too tired, or dehydrated or with a headache, it shows. I'm trying to figure a way to give some of my best hours to it instead, but A) I'm not totally sure when those are and B) I have 3 kids who are at home every morning and even if I try to ignore them a little, they are very distracting; about as distracting as migraines and low blood sugar.  My poor writing.

So, my regrouping plan is to re-prioritize self care, and to crack down on the distractions that I do have some control over.

Things I have been doing well: regular exercise, going to bed before midnight, drinking at least 1/4 gallon of water daily.

Things I have been failing: morning pages, eating well (I've been accidentally skipping meals and then resorting to sugar - horrible combination), setting aside time to prepare (for the next day, or things happening later that day.... it's like I'm constantly failing to be prepared.)

In her keynote at Alt Summit Lisa Congdon recommended breaking productive sessions into 45 minute increments, and allowing for 15 minute breaks in-between.  Longer than that, and she said the ability to focus and be creative wanes, so she always alternates tasks in hour increments. I cannot remember the last time I had an uninterrupted 45 minute streak at home, but I think (and hope) I can still apply the concept, so I'll be wearing a stopwatch for the next little while, and figuring out what increment of time fits best with my life.  Keeping myself on task when I'm home with my kids has always been hard for me. I just keep noticing things that need to be done and floating between them with homemaking ADD, never actually finishing very much. (And also, obviously, not keeping track of time or preparing for upcoming appointments or commitments very well.)

The best thing I can do, I suppose, is to be kind to myself, and strive for incremental improvement.

And keep loving on my kids, because they are insane, but the most delightful things that will ever be in my life. 

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