Wednesday, February 22, 2006

FOCUS Focus focus


I wonder if I thought happy enough thoughts if I'd be able to fly?.... no, but really my thought is this: What are the things in my little life that make me happy enough that I'd pick them to think if I urgently needed a happy, buoyant thought? I'd think about the time I talked Mr. Renn into singing me to sleep. I'd think about the time we watched Wit together and I gave myself a migraine crying and Mr. Renn stayed at my apartment and let me lay my head in his lap and take a nap and didn't leave until I felt better. I'd think about Mr. Renn's magical powers that make all my primary kids light up whenever he walks into the room. I'd think about Mr. Renn bringing me chocolate milk in bed. I'd remember Mr. Renn calling me at work to tell me about getting dental school interviews, then to tell me we finally got an acceptance. I'd think about building sand castles with my nieces. I'd think about my little sister reading me bedtime stories. I'd think about my old-blind-lady-puppy getting excited to see me. I'd remember being able to have semi-coherent conversations with my brother the Disaster. I'd remember homemade rootbeer from when I was a really little kid, and German pancakes. I'd remember playing dress-up. I'd think of all those dresses my mother made for me back when she wasn't spread so thin. I'd remember a very long walk I took with friends in the Scottish countryside. I'd remember the one time someone threw me a surprise birthday party. I'd remember having epiphanies all the time in college. I'd remember watching "The Color of Paradise" with my little sister when she was too young to read the subtitles....

The more I think about it, the more happy thoughts and memories I have. It's a nice way to spend a few spare minutes thinking. And don't dismiss me for being trite... I have plenty of less-than-happy memories too. I'm no sheltered-happy-thought-prone-queen of sunshine. I do try to hold on to some happy thoughts though... it keeps me sane. I've seen what dwelling on the unhappy thoughts does, it turns you into my brother the Disaster, who can't even remember most of his happy thoughts because he's spent all his energy brooding over his unhappy ones. Pity, I know for a fact he had lots.

4 comments:

-->jeff * said...

there is a similar feeling in your posting as there is in mine today, despite it being that i wrote my first draft before reading yours.

it's wonderful to notice that 'like breeds like.' glooming and brooding only brings more of the same, and reflecting upon the roses of our life does likewise. like looking for stars in the night sky, the longer we look in an area that seems dark, we begin to see points of light reaching out.
'life moves pretty fast; if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.'

Munoz said...

HI there...it's me, your neighbor from the previous blog. I just discovered this medium while visiting my daughter in Minnesota. It's kind of like e-mail...right? Except more personal and meaningful, I guess.

I'm not looking for a pen pal...e-pal? whatever.

Anyway, I read your blog and admired your writing style. It was very sensitive...almost poetic. But more than either...it was somewhat musical. I like that. I'm an artist and just finished telling off the world...sort of in my blog. I'm not trying to lure you there, but I am interested in starting a conversation about art. Oh by the way, I'm a Grandfather and hope some day my kids will find some of what I say and do today interesting if not very helpful.

Good luck in your emanate birthing...I think I can say that.

Shelley said...

I think that makes the difference between a generally happy person and a chronically unhappy one - being able to recognize the good times when the bad roll around.

Chan said...

You should really write a book or something Em! You write really good. I like reading your blogs. They make me smile! Hope you are feeling ok...enough.:)

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