I'm trying to get more excited about life in general, but more specifically my upcoming monumental summer full of life-altering experiences. I know I am very very blessed, and that all of my apprehension is just about blessings disguised as trials disguised as blessings. We (more specifically I, as I am the one with the problem) know we are incredibly lucky to have been accepted to a Dental School this year. It was a rough year to be applying, with a record number of applicants nationwide. A part of me was actually planning on not being accepted.... thus the mixed feelings about the craziness that will be involved in making the move. All of that would have been ecstatic anyway, were it not for the additional good news that we're having a baby 1 month before school starts. What kind of crazy people are we anyway? We are totally excited to start our family, and we prayed and prayed about it and know it is right for us all the way... I'm just getting uber-apprehensive about the logistics of the whole combination of blessings.
You see, I am a planner. I am a budget and schedule, figure it out way in advance, break it down into steps kind of girl. (Don't take this too literally... I have plenty of unorganized sides to me). The fact of the matter is that I am utterly unable to plan any aspect of my life more than 4 months from now. I can't "nest" (which I am highly inclined to do), I can't even get myself the bare essentials because Mr. Renn doesn't want to pack any unneccesary item across the country, so I'm told to wait until after the baby is born and we've moved.... right.... because I'll have oodles of energy and time and brainpower then.
So I sort of sinned today. It's hard not to when you sit at a computer all day. I created a couple of tentative baby-gift registries.... and then I bought myself some presents. These aren't earth-shattering selfish-unnecessary type presents... they are things I will sure need and use. But they probably could have waited until after the move. Mr. Renn is sure to sigh and point that out to me when they arrive. But the whole point is that I'm trying to throw myself a little pep-rally. A little "yeah for having a baby" instead of "oh holy cow, how is this going to work?" party. I just think I perhaps chose a bad venue for my party throwing, and my bubble is going to get burst by practical guilt.
*sigh*sigh*sigh*
1 comment:
I call it the "hurry up and wait" feeling. I feel like there are a thousand things to get and do and I want to get it all done now so I know I'll be ready, but I don't even know if we're having a boy or a girl yet. I feel like I'm jsut sitting on my hands. I look at slings and cribs and carseats on the web everyday and I just want to buy it all. Then I keep in mind I'm going to have a baby shower and I won't have to buy it all myself. It's exhausting to think about all the time but I can't seem to help it.
I'm so sorry you can't even "nest" and you can't do much before you move (another "hurry up and wait" time). That stinks. I feel for you.
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