Wednesday, April 03, 2013

Submit - the overwrought button

Well then world, have you wondered where I've been?
Not really, eh?

Well a month ago Mr Renn had a day off work, and I indulged in taking Bunny on a girl's trip to BYU campus.  Women's Services was putting on a series of lectures and workshops about women and education.  Also, I'd been wanting to assess my options for going back to school.  I'd pretty well convinced myself I could handle 3 credits at a time, and I wondered if there was anyone anyplace willing to let me try.

Turns out there isn't, exactly.  But if I'm flexible enough to try 6 credits instead, then I was invited to apply for a Master's Program.  Only catch was that there was no time to contemplate the option.  If I was interested I had 3 weeks to apply.  (And another month or so to get the GRE taken.)  And so riding a wave of positive energy (and support from Mr Renn) I devoted every spare moment of those 3 weeks to getting that application ready.  Graduate school applications are not meant to be 1 month wonders.  I had to do major work to what I could recover from my undergraduate degree.  (Floppy disks = my worst nightmare)

But I did it.

I applied.

New specs #vscocam #afterlight

A lot of things could still go wrong, but for all intents and purposes I'm proceeding as though I'll be taking two night classes come Fall Semester.

Am I crazy?  Well, is this the first time I've made you wonder about that?  Everybody is their own kind of crazy, this is mine.

There is an indescribable lightness of being that comes when you are me and you've got some momentum to ride.  When you're actually doing something, and acting rather than being acted upon.

And never for a moment am I thinking this will be easy.  It will be ridiculously difficult.  I shall have to structure my time and productivity a lot better than I have in the past.  (Which is its own sort of hard wonderful)  I will certainly have a nervous breakdown or three.

But I'll be doing something that allows me to value my self, my talents, and my education.  To give myself permission to spend time cultivating them.  To interact with people who have patience for my infinite questions.  The results are bound to be good.  And if I can teach my watching children how to do difficult things, how to do terrifying things, and how to give themselves permission to try for the things their hearts long for, well then that'll be worth it right there.

In the meantime, my life is getting restructured and overhauled in a rather welcome way.  Having some external structure to base our everyday lives around is looking to be really good for us.  Once I take the GRE in May I'll need to be reviewing my 10 year old textbooks and re-learning writing and annotating styles.

She and I are realizing that spring break might just kill us.


Such a cool word, and it's nice to be able to use it about something that isn't one of my children.  Their needs still trump, but to have other "needs" to dance around.  It's kind of electric.

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