Thursday, May 02, 2013

Veer Right

Never has anyone been so consistently excited to do absolutely nothing with me. #welovebunny #vscocam #vscocam_kids #afterlight

I've been running in plenty of healthy circles lately.  Nobody can ever tell me that parenting is simple or straightforward.  The gray area is just a massive cloud of small, significant decisions to make and places to be.  And when your child exhibits characteristics that fall outside the bell curve, it always means more work for the mom.

Apart from Sir O's anxiety, the Captain and the Gentlemen with their speech, and the Captain's sensory issues (which are still getting figured out), I noticed a few months ago that Bunny was definitely favoring one side of her head over the other.  No matter how I try holding her she always wants to look to the right.  She can turn her head to the left, but not as far and certainly not as comfortably.

When I mentioned my concern to the pediatrician I got (without so much as a glance to see for himself) a rather glib referral for an x-ray to rule out skeletal issues and a subsequent recommendation to see a physical therapist. (For torticollis)

If only it were that easy.

No radiologist is going to give a baby an x-ray without anesthesia.  Most of the time they won't use general anesthesia on babies until they are at least 6 months old, and all of that seemed awfully expensive for a baby that nobody had actually taken a good look at or done a physical assessment on (especially when we would be paying for all of it out of pocket.) All of this seems like expensive overkill for a condition that "usually resolves itself."

And so we've been looking into our options.  But there's no clear-cut choice for me to make.  I have to create and imagine my own path here.  Part of me wants to brush it off.  Part of me wants to go to the ends of the earth to see it resolved.  The remaining parts of me are just tired and busy worrying about my other children and their quirks.  How much running around and being tested and receiving professional assistance can a family of relatively "normal" children manage to require?  The appointments, the babysitting arranging, the paperwork, the long, long list of things we should be doing at home.  Is this the destiny of every parent, or are we just that "special" ?

Have I brought it upon my own head by my diligence in trying to make sure my children's needs are met?  Would we all be better off if I would just chill-out?  How does anybody survive parenting without wallowing in a mire of self-doubt?

And when Bunny looks at me like this (every.single.day. I am so lucky.) I know she trusts me to take care of her every need.  She's not the least bit worried whether I'll mess it all up.  Faith is magic, I tell you what.

2 comments:

Crystal said...

Oh dear Em... I know exactly how you feel. We've been running those circles with psychological worries and daytime wetting from our 10 year old, tonsil and sleep apnea and sleep terrors with the 8 year old, weird autistic symptoms with the 4 year old and kidney reflux with the 2 year old. I'm not a fan of being that special. I'm trying to just chill and pray things resolve over time. We can't afford the expense of time and money. Good luck :-/

Amber said...

Kyah had the same issues and it was torticalus, which we fixed with physical therapy, most/all of which can be done at home. I'm happy to give you what little knowledge I have itf it helps.

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